Maybe I totally missed the boat on this one by not seeing it in theaters and taken part on the scratch-and-sniff sticks that matched key points in the film, and also the 3D stereoscopic aspect. Maybe I could have had my mind blown by smelling baby poo and having bad CG clock gears jammed in my face? Most likely no, I did not miss that boat. One, I didn’t even know this was in the theater, much less being made. Two, I don’t like smelling things that make me want to vomit – like vomit. And three, if I wanted to feel like I was immersed in a clock, I would rather do with the Martin Scorsese and Hugo, which is a film so far beyond this film that its an affront to mention them in the same review. Yes, I’m affronting.

What the Hell happened to Robert Rodriguez? Or rather, what is happening to him? Have his meds run out? Can one man really write and direct Planet Terror and Machete, and then turn around and direct these Spy Kids movies and Shark Boy and Lava Girl? Or are these two different people like Christian Bale in The Prestige?

Regardless or who directed this mess, it fails on absolutely every level. And when your demographic is males ages 7-10, they really are forgiving. But evidently he has some market cornered because the modest $27M film banked $68M worldwide, which just makes me sad on all levels, and ensures that Rodriquez will make another. FURTHERMORE, it was nominated for an ALMA award for “Favorite Movie”!!?? What are the ALMA awards you ask? I had to look this up because they are so high profile. It’s the American Latin Media Awards: A ceremony made more legitimate by nominating Cameron Diaz for her role in Bad Teacher. Her hideous performance as a hideous person in a pretty hideous movie is beside the point though. How many people out their immediately think “Latin” or “Hispanic” when Cameron hits the screen? Because her name is Diaz? – OK, going off track here. So the OTHER nominees for Favorite Movie were A Better Life, Rio (?), From Prada to Nada, and Machete(?). A Better Life was the winner and it should be – why? Because it’s a good movie. Rio? Really? Starring those Latinos Jesse Eisenberg and Anne Hathaway? Or maybe Tracy Morgan. No, it has to Kiwi Jemaine Clement.. Jamie Foxx? Will.i.am? The only Latin voice in a character with more than one line is George Lopez, and he’s only in it because his contract states that he must be a voice in every animated film, or else he threatens the population with another talk show. From Prada to Nada is an offense to Mexican Americans. And Machete is an offense to humanity – regardless of entertainment value of the Grindhouse style violence and a bare-breasted appearance by Lindsey Lohan (Latina?), who looks like the filmmakers picked her up after a binge and threw her onset to film her. Basically, Spy Kids 4 was nominated, because only 5 Latin films (one very questionably Latin despite its locale) were made.

Back to the film at hand…

Some reasonable talent signed up for this thing and I don’t know how or why. Maybe they had an afternoon free and Rodriguez was paying for the tequila. Jeremy Piven? Ricky Gervais? Wasn’t Gervais’ series Extras specifically about someone talented who sells out? Alexa Vega (From Prada to Nada) returns reprising her role of Carmen Cortez, one of the original Spy Kids. And Daryl Sabara returns as her younger brother Juni who was hardly a cute kid when he was a kid, and it looks like he went the Macualay Culkin route and grew up to be a not-handsome man. But I’m afraid Antonio Banderas did not show up to exude his Spanish charm and save the film… speaking of which, where was Puss In Boots in this ALMA lineup? RIO?!? Puss In Boots booted Rio out of an Oscar nomination. And it gets slighted at the ALMAs?

The story is severely flawed as is the whole rationalization of traveling back in time, or why and how time is even speeding up. They can’t even get the science right as to why you theoretically cannot go back. Its filled with horrid cartoony sound effects. Vomit bags. Baby poo. Dog farts. Flying food. Slimey sludge poured over people’s heads. Its like I was reliving my childhood watching You Can’t Do That On Television.
The cinematography is about as dynamic at a sitcom. The FX are one step above Sharktopus. And the character of Argonaut the talking robot spy dog (Gervais) talks with the subtle nuance of Charlie McCarthy.
The message of the film which is about how you need to enjoy the moments you have with those you love is an admirable message without a doubt, but the delivery is a Mack Truck in a headon with a Miata, which would be my brain.
I really can’t say anything good about this film except for that maybe, just maybe, its better than Horrid Henry. But not by much.

You could ask yourself, “How could I make American Pie more ridiculous?” Well, you could make the characters British, moronic, and so implausible that they don’t even fit a stereotype. And then send them on holiday in Greece into a situation as filled with douchebaggery that rivals any Ft. Lauderdale you can think of.

I assume that this is based off of a television series considering that it as “The Movie” suffix tagged at the end. And a quick Google search finds that it seems to be a very successful series. But, I can’t even fathom how a popular series would evolve into this.
The story follows Will (The Nerd), Jay (The Perv), Simon (The Lovelorn), and Neil (The Dunce) as they plan to get laid by every girl in Malia, Greece. And their first move is to go in wearing pink shirts emblazoned with “Pussay Patrol” across the chest. This is about the tone of the whole film. No nuance. No subtlety. No intelligence to the humor. Everything is based on penis, shit, poo, and vagina, in all of its clever pseudonyms. Every line sounds like the writers toiled for days to get enough crassness injected… and then revised to push it further. Perhaps this would have worked if the characters were in the very least likable, and at most sympathetic. But really, what they make up is sympathetic without the sym.

I could only recommend this film if you are a guy under 15 years old – or perhaps the mentality of a 15 years old. Otherwise, its just ridiculous.

Note: It seems like I’m alone in my opinion as anyone else who has seen this would appear to be a fan of the show and probably stunted in their maturity and quite possibly their intelligence.

Robert Redford can usually be depended on to deliver slow, but meaningful films. A River Runs Through It, Ordinary People, Quiz Show, The Milagro Beanfield War. All good stuff. But, I think he’s gone a little far with The Conspirator, and pushed it into something I would expect on the History Channel. I have no doubt that everything it absolutely accurate, but so is a phone book. Accurate does not mean entertaining.
Basically, the story takes place just after the Civil War. John Wilkes Booth shoots President Lincoln in the head, leaps off the theater box onto the stage below, yells Sic Semper Tyrannis and runs off with a broken ankle. In the aftermath, the Government goes nuts, and despite the death of Booth in a burning barn, there must be someone to make an example of. This could not possibly be the act of one man.

10 people are brought into custody under suspicion of conspiracy. One of which, is innkeeper Mary Surratt (Robin Wright), who is accused of contributing by housing Booth, and providing the rooms in which the assassination was planned. Her lawyer is a young war hero, Frederick Aiken (James McAvoy), who is delegated to her defense despite his beliefs on whether she is guilty or innocent.
The film itself has little to do with whether Surratt was wrongly convicted. Instead, it circles around the idea that she was not tried by a jury of her peers, but rather a military tribunal. Effectively removing most of her Constitutional rights to a fair trial. Upon finding Surratt guilty (Yes, spoiler alert, but this is history folks… its like I would ruin Titanic if I told you the boat sank)… after she is found guilty, Aiken, appeals to President Johnson through the writ of Habeas Corpus, which is denied, the President declaring that the writ is suspended in this case.

The message is clear: The United States has a judicial process where the accused are presumed innocent until proven guilty… unless officials decide they are not. And the message a hundred and fifty years ago is even more relevant today with the same excuses from the government: sacrifice our freedom to make an example of terrorists.

If you can stay awake for the duration of the film, and get through Justin Long’s bizarrely flat performance as Aiken’s best friend, you may enjoy the performance from McAvoy, who I guess could have benefited from his Professor Xavier powers from his other film this year, X-Men: First Class. Tom Wilkinson is great in his brief role as Reverdy Johnson, the lawyer who passes the buck of defending Surratt down to the young and hesitant Aiken. And Kevin Kline is nearly unrecognizable as Secretary of War Edwin Stanton – which is a good thing, showing Kline’s ability to dissolve into his character when he wants to. The primary benefit from the film lies in Aiken’s closing arguments, which Obama and the entire Legislative and Judicial branches should probably review.

Robert, I appreciate your film-making. I really do. But lets pick up the pace. Maybe Mary Surratt could have made a run for it and jumped off a cliff into the river below. Worked for you!

It must have been a quite a let down when you make a femalecentric comedy, and the opening joke is exactly the same as an insanely successful femalecentric comedy released only a few months earlier. But really, What’s Your Number, jumps off this recycled diving board into a comedy pool with no water.

From the get go, this Anna Faris vehicle didn’t even have rails to get off of. Ally Darling (Faris) starts out in bed with Skylar from Heroes who is a earth-first, bike-riding, vegan, and she is obviously not. And its established early on that this is just causal. As Skylar departs without mining her brain for superpowers, across the hall, we get a glimpse of Captain America Chris Evans covering himself with a towel as he picks up the newspaper. I can’t possibly see where this is heading… But then she goes to work, and is fired. I’m not sure why she’s let go. No real reason giving outside of cutbacks – which is just her. I don’t even know what she is getting fired from. But I’ll sit it out and see where it leads. On the subway ride back, she reads in a Cosmo-type magazine that the average number of lovers a woman has in her life is 9.5. Obviously because of an unhealthy and immature perception of sex, and the need to have magazines guide her life, she becomes distraught and begins to list out all the people she has had sex with to find out if she is abnormal. Next, we find out that her sister is getting married, and upon arriving at the engagement party, Ally quickly becomes drunk, walking around in barefeet carrying around a bottle of champagne. Is she THAT distraught? Is she an alcoholic? Does she do this often? These are questions that apparently weren’t asked of sitcom writers Gabrielle Allen and Jennifer Crittenden, and so the scene feels unjustified and out of place. Much like the “getting fired” scene.

Anyway, Bachelorette Party…. Ally makes up a game of What’s Your Number with the other women, so that she can gauge within her own peer group if she is having too much sex with too many people. She finds out that with a total number of 19 partners, that she has had sex with twice the amount of people as the next highest number. Well – that settles it. She has to stop this nonsense. She has to buckle down. No more sex. Number 20 is the guy she is going to marry. Then she proceeds to get wasted, and fucks the guy who just fired her earlier in the film. And no, this still does not justify the “getting fired” scene. This random sex act could have been any random guy. So the limit is now raised to 21 – and Ally is not happy about it. I guess 20 is the “slut” threshold.
So – formally introduce Colin. The guy across the hall. Chris Evans with dark hair and without a red-white-and-blue shield. He comes into the apartment to hide from his one night stand that he doesn’t want to confront in the morning. Ally labels him as a pig (as she kicks out her one-night-stand-ex-boss), but after finding out that he has a knack for finding out this about people because of his police officer father (a paper thin plot device if there ever was one), she trades the sanctuary of her apartment for his help in locating all her ex-lovers so that she could maybe get back together with one of them so she can recycle him, and doesn’t have to get into treacherous “slut” territory of the over-20 number. This just gets thinner and thinner from here on out. There is no reason for her sisters wedding. There is no reason for her to get fired. Frankly, there is no reason to compare the number of lovers she’s had to a national average – but I guess there wouldn’t be a movie at that point – which isn’t necessarily a downside. We find out that Colin is a broke musician – which doesn’t really add to anything. We find out that she makes little artsy figurine things – equivalent to Annie’s cupcakes in Bridesmaids, but without any emotional connection. (Side note: Annie is the Bridesmaids heroine. Ally is the Number heroine. They probably could have just ADR’d a new name in there. It’s not like her name is emblazoned in lights. Not that FX artists couldn’t have replaced it if it was). The figurine subplot goes nowhere. I don’t know. The whole movie is unmemorable. In fact, I fell asleep at the end of act 2 for a little bit, woke up 20 minutes later and said “Huh, I wonder why she’s breaking up with Evans at the wedding…” Not realizing that this is a different guy. Evans, in this particular role, blends in so much with generic sexy-guy actors, that I didn’t know I was looking at a different dude. That’s pretty sad.

If there is anything redeemable about this film, its Anna Faris. She adorable. She’s always adorable. But she can’t carry the weight of the film on her petite shoulders, especially when the story is so damn bland and regurgitated from any other nameless romcom starring Katherine Heigl or Kristen Bell. And having her speaking in a British accent that turns Cockney halfway through in order to impress an old British boyfriend is just heartbreaking to watch. I think the filmmakers were trying to point out that she changes her persona to match the guy, rather than just being herself (which is ultimately her character arc). But, that characteristic isn’t clear and consistent enough to be useful.

If you liked Bridesmaids, don’t watch this. It’s a dramatically subpar knock-off (even though, based on the proximity of their releases, I don’t think the studios knew JUST how close they were going to be in tone…and even direct gags). If you didn’t like Bridesmaids, don’t watch this. It’s a dramatically subpar movie in general. Only watch this if a) you are infatuated with Anna Faris and wish to see her frequently in underwear or b) you are infatuated with Chris Evans and wish to see him frequently naked with a towel discretely keeping the film at an R rating.

Based on the 70’s novel from former MI6 spy, John Le Carre, Tinker Tailor Solider Spy is exactly like The Borne Identity series, if you were to watch someone thinking about it.
Presumably, TTSS is much closer to how Cold War espionage worked…sitting around, observing, thinking, watching, contemplating, and perhaps making a phone call. But as an audience member you cannot turn away. You cannot leave to take a piss. You can’t even look down to make sure you are reaching into the bag of popcorn. If you do, you might miss something important. Every piece of information, every word that is said, every frame of film contributes to the mystery, and like forcibly retired MI6 spy George Smiley, the audience must observe with focused attention to stay with the game.
Let The Right One In Swedish director Tomas Alfredson and cinematographer Hoyte Van Hoytema, gives the film a brown and grey palette, causing nothing to be spectacular or flashy. The camera work is general slow and drawn out. There is one scene with Smiley confronting one of the other heads of “The Circus” – industry-speak for the British Intelligence — Anyway, it’s a two shot of the spies on an airstrip. As they talk, a twin-engine private plane lands off in the distance, and comes down the runway toward them – for a good minute or two while they continue to talk. The plane continued to approach. Finally, it wheels around right behind them, turning so that the door opens and reveals a third character. One shot. No cutting back and forth. No closeups. The tension is built because of what is being spoken. The actors just work their magic, speaking more through what remains unspoken. But in the eyes of the characters, we can see all the processing that is happening, as Gary Oldman’s interpretation of Smiley puts all of the pieces together to figure out who in MI6 is the Russian mole and why. In fact, every actor is exceptional, bringing depth and dimension to each, allowing us to pay attention to the insane amount of clues without having to ask stupid questions like “who is that guy again?”
From what I have come to understand, people who have read the novel enjoy the film much more than those who have not. This presumably is because the readers already have an insight in the story, so they can read into the visual cues much more quickly and deeply than those who are going in cold. I’m sure that with this knowledge comes a much more relaxed and enjoyable viewing, because the process of taking in the data is not a chore. And like I said, there is a LOT of data to absorb. In fact, the original film adaptation with Alec Guinness in the late 70s had to be a seven episode mini-series to squish everything in. I can’t imagine how they compacted it into a feature length.
All in all, if you want to see some fantastic actors acting fantastically, by all means, take the time – its worth it… if you appreciate that kind of thing. Make sure your brain is well rested. If you want to see super spies infiltrating secret hideaways of masterminds with Persian cats, don’t go see this.

Alexander Payne always does a fantastic job of tapping into unusual characters in unusual situations, but always using it to provide the audience with some insight into themselves. Election, Sideways, and About Schmidt (I’m ignoring his odd moneygrab to write Jurassic Park III), all have extremely flawed, and very human characters.

In The Descendants, Payne immediately puts George Clooney’s Matt King in a perfect confluence of quandaries: He is in charge of an estate on Kauai that his family has owned for generations, of which his whole family wants to sell to developers. But, he is the trustee. His youngest, firecracker of a daughter is being malicious to other kids at school. His older daughter was sent to a private school on other island because of conflicts with her mother, Clooney’s wife. His wife as been in a boating accident and is in a coma. He’s been told by the hospital that she won’t recover. And to top it off, she was having an affair.

In someone else’s hands, this would make a whole season of Days of Our Lives, and have about as much depth. But this is Alexander Payne. He brings us into this very tragic situation, and allows us to ride this journey with Clooney, and root for him. Hope that he’ll make the right decisions. Be with him as he attempts to get closer with his kids despite the loss of their mother. And to be able to find humor in even the darkest of situations. Perhaps that is why I was drawn to this movie. I do try and find humor is nearly everything – even if it might offend others that I do.

The performances are outstanding all around including an inspired bit of casting of Scooby-Doo’s Matthew Lillard. Shailene Woodley (Alexandra) and Amara Miller (Scottie) are great as the feisty daughters. Nick Krause plays Alexandra’s stoner friend with amazing reservation that makes Franco’s Pineapple Express role look like a Keystone Kop. You can feel Robert Forrestor’s pain of losing his daughter underneath the gruff and abrasive exterior of King’s father-in-law. But this is Clooney’s show, and rightly so. He throws away the typical Clooney charm, and allows King to be the hurt and flawed character that he is. Always attempting to do the right thing, but wrestling with what the right thing is. The screenplay would have been good, or better than good, probably outstanding, regardless of the cast. But it’s to their credit (and Payne’s direction) that they take this to the level that puts it above most of the releases this year.

Probably one of the best horror movies of 2011. That’s not saying a lot given the competition, but Attack The Block is smart in how it handles all of the key components of good horror.

#1 Rule. Don’t show the shark. Once you reveal the creature, you’re done. Show’s over. Filmmaker Joe Cornish in his feature directorial debut (although he is credited for screenplay with fellow Brit Edgar Wright on Tin Tin) is always hiding the dreaded creatures in darkness, flashes of light, and quick cuts. And when we DO get to the point where we are battling full screen creatures, the concept of the creature is that it is blacker than anyone has ever seen. There exists an absence of light. So, full frame, the creature is still indiscernible and without detail. Its teeth and fur, and that’s all. And frankly, that’s quite enough to be terrifying. In fact the teeth glow from within, and so are the only feature that reveals itself in the dark.

#2 Rule. Taking a hint from Hitchcock…let the audience imagine the gore. Like the concept of the creatures, our brains can fill in the gore much more effectively when we aren’t shown what it really is. Deaths are handled in quick flashes, or through the partial reflection of a mirror, and if shown onscreen, it lasts for mere frames. The least successful death reveals a face being ripped off, and that it held for 12 frames too long.

3# Rule. Contain the action. In this case, it’s the Block. A concrete apartment building in a bad part of London. Surround the building with creatures and prevent an easy way for our heroes to just get up and leave the situation. Success.

4# Rule. Don’t make the heroes stupid. Usually a film like this would be Ten Little Indians, each one getting picked off in due order, until there is one Indian left who vanquishes the evil – ala Alien. Attack has many heroes, and even though you might consider them unsavory and they talk like morons, the group of miscreants may be scared, but they are survivors. From the very first attack, the intended victim, Moses, the leader of the gang, doesn’t take the attack lying down and stabs the creature with a switchblade, causing it to flee. And Moses doesn’t stop there, he leads the group to pursue it and kill it – inadvertently resulting in the savage chaos that comes later. The younger kids have their own ways of fighting. Sam, the nurse who starts out as a victim to the gang youths, is a strong female that isn’t afraid to stand up to the gang, or, when the cards are down, these aliens creatures. Even the bitchy teen girls, when push comes to shove, fight back with the ferocity of girl teens scorned. Its probably the first film that I can remember off the top of my head where the group of heroes are an equal match to the unknown terror that threatens them.

5# Rule: At least have some rational explanation for the extraordinary events. Don’t have aliens come to Earth, a planet covered in 80% water, and then have their weakness be water (yes, I’m looking at you M. Night). Nor should you have aliens needing gold…during the gold rush… The explanation for the events in Attack The Block all boils down to animalistic instinct. No technology. No intention to take over the planet and harvest our bodies. And no plans to make Earth a fast food stop with humans as a #1 combo meal (although that, PJ, is still a fabulous idea).

I can’t stand the vernacular (see review of Anuvahood), but I was easily swayed once the action got going, which was about 3 minutes into the film. The characters feel real enough. The arc that Moses takes through this story is almost tangible, and the very end of the film actually verges on uplifting – and not directly because the creatures are dispatched (SPOILER!)

On the technical side of things, the budget seems low, but they get a lot of mileage in shooting it smart. The cinematography plays with the darks and lights, and keeps the story kinetic with lots of camera movement. It pulls us into the story without falling back on saying “this is found footage” or “a camera crew is here”. Editorial does a great job of compounding the intensity with varying the pace so that you gets spikes of intensity rather than the consistent bombardment of a Michael Bay movie raping your senses to the point of anesthetizing them.

It’s a movie that I think will have a long shelf life, and both upcoming filmmakers and veteran filmmakers working in the horror genre should look to thing for guidance. That’s right Eli Roth, quit trying to hide your lack of talent behind extreme gore and torture and direct something that actually entertains.

(Spoiler Alert — for those of you who want to be surprised)
Who needs energy bolts, or control of magnetism, or telekinesis when you can punch people with a green huge fist, or fight evil by shooting it with an anti-aircraft gun, or protect yourself with a green umbrella? This is question I had watching Ryan Reynolds run around in a CG body. All deeper messages of “will” versus “fear”, or parental disapproval of under-appreciated offspring, or that hot chicks can fly jets too is simply lost in a thin veneer of silly, literal representations of said messages — coated with a very thick glaze of very expensive visual effects. But all this glitz and glamor makes for a fairly lackluster vehicle for Reynolds, who seems to have been cast in everything that Bradley Cooper was not.
The story starts off with a Star Wars type battle of good versus evil in space, only not as good. There are so many factors in the prologue that one cannot hope to follow it. And then we get dropped into an asteroid to meet the embodiment of fear itself — Parallax — who sucks the fear right out of you, or in this case four hapless asteroid-visiting victims, and then becomes a flamey-smoke head and proceeds to eat through a few planets.
6 months later (because that’s important to alien beings who for some reason use Earth’s orbit to measure time), we have MORE exposition as an member of the Green Lantern Corp, Abin Sul, is attacked by Parallax, and as per the requisite of the Corp of having no fear, he ejects in an escape pod within about 8 seconds of the confrontation with a mortal wound. One might think that he could summon a little green surgical team to stitch him back up and be as right as rain. But no.
Enter Earth, and Hal Jordan. He wakes up with a woman with no speaking lines, leaps out of bed in underwear to reveal Reynolds’ ripped physique. He must have the same contract lawyer at Jason Statham. So… he’s a womanizer, thoughtless, in good shape, and irresponsible because he’s late for something. That something is a test flight flying against test jet fighter drones with his wing-woman Carol Ferris (Blake Lively) — hence showing that hot chicks can fly jets — probably the least plausible presumption in the movie and something borrowing from the amazingly successful Stealth, with Jessica Biel playing the part of hot chick pilot.
Hal outwits the drones by flying to altitudes higher than they can manage, but its also higher than he can manage, and even though he takes out the drones, he falls into a tailspin — a perfect time for flashbacks and more exposition to show that underneath the smarmy exterior, Hal is a fearful child stemming from the fiery death of his pilot father. But now he’s in trouble with the company because he ejected from his jet and destroyed a multi-million dollar aircraft — and his wing-woman sachets away in a huff. Not only that, like all presumably top secret military jet missions, his story is all over the news, and the thoughtless media relates it to Hal’s dad’s death.
Hal visits his nephew for quality time and to say cliched remarks that make no sense, and then leaves…never to return to this character in the film. — and then immediately after, he is suddenly surrounded by a green energy ball and is whisked off and dropped into a puddle. He sees an obviously alien spacecraft crashed in a lake and (because of his cowardly nature) he immediately runs to help. He finds Amin Sul who gives him a ring and a lantern.
Enter weak and underprivileged, Hector Hammond, played with surprising depth (or maybe not so surprising) by Peter Sarsgaard. We are introduced to him behind a bank of computers, and playing chess on one of them — foreshadowing? Nope. He never again shows mental acuity for strategic thinking — its just a trope of “this guy is a NERD!” Hammond is a scientist who is given the opportunity to examine the government confiscated body of Amin Sul, and in the process he is exposed to Parallax juice, which ultimately makes him all powerful and bat shit crazy at the same time (but we’ll get to the culmination of that soon enough).
In an attempt at comedy, Hal tries to conjure up the power of the Green Lantern, and then suddenly goes into a trance and somehow recites it perfectly. Why not? Hal Jordan is a good lookin’ guy with a cool job and a hot ex-girlfriend. He gets chosen by an all powerful ring to be a superhero. And then the magic lantern gives him the answer he is looking for. Let’s not make the guy who has everything actually EARN something. I mean…why would we want someone weak and underprivileged to have a chance at greatness?
This is intercut with Hammond doing an autopsy on Amin Sul, I guess to give us the impression that these two guys are cut from the same quarry, and they are evolving at the same time to have superpowers.
But back to the all important Hal — He’s all disjointed and sad about losing his job and the contract for the drone jets, and because Carol mentions his Dad’s death in an intimate conversation while dancing to “their” song. Outside the bar he gets into a fight with some Union guys who also lost their jobs because of Hal’s irresponsible behavior that day. In the fight, Hal unleashes a can of whoop ass in the form of a huge green fist. At which point he gets launched into space, rocketing passed astronauts working on a satellite or something (I can suspend my disbelief for a Corp of Green Lanterns, but not for a space program that is now essentially defunct). He gets pulled through a wormhole, and then wakes up in Green Lantern Central, the planet of Oa, where he is met by a fish Green Lantern with Geoffry Rush’s voice who show him what’s what — after all, we haven’t had enough exposition. They fly around expensive CG for a while and then join a gathering of a bazillion green lanterns who are addressed by Sinestro in a speech that tells us all kinds of things that we already know — including that Parallax is crabby and they have to go and dispatch him (it).
There is a ludicrous training session led by Kilawog (Michael Clarke Duncan) and the appropriately dumb drill sergeant jargon including “The Bigger You Are The Faster You Burn” and the followup “Gravity’s a bitch”,(in regards to conjuring a small sun!), which is so out of context that it screams foreshadow. It would have been far more appropriate, yet still moronically contemporary, if the line was “Gravity Sucks!”.
All sorts of energy is conjured up into things so literal that you want to smack yourself in the face. Don’t make a force field. No — make a BRICK WALL. I’m surprised that the Lantern he was fighting didn’t conjure up a pick ax to break through, yelling “You just wait! Once I pick my way through this green brick wall — you’re dead! Just….hold on…….Dead I say!……” Ultimately, Sinestro shows up and acts all sinister, taunting Hal into almost the point of crying — telling him that he’s worthless and fearful and that humans will never add up to being a Green Lantern.
In a huff, Hal sulks back to Earth —- WITH the ring mind you. I don’t know about anyone else, but I think that usually when you quit a job, you turn in your security badge. I guess the Green Lantern Corp is pretty progressive. “Yeah, just let him have it. We’ve showed him how it works already…he probably won’t do any damage. Outside of maybe destroying his solar system with that all powerful ring. What’s the worse that could happen?”
Meanwhile, back on Earth, Hammond, affected by the Parallax juice, is hearing peoples thoughts. In the class he is teaching, he lashes out at a jock who thinks he a loser — throwing him out of the chair with his mind. Pent up anger from growing up as a nerd? BTW — as a sidenote, if I were to wager a guess, the screenwriters did not grow up bullied. Hammond’s character is built completely on thin stereotypes perpetuated by those who perceive themselves above those they harrass.
Sinestro launches an attack on Parallax, only to watch his soldiers have the fear sucked out of them. He returns to the Oa Guardians (Big Blue Headed aliens in robes) who explain that Parallax was once one of them, but he went bad. Sinestro convinces them that Parallax is headed back to Oa, and that they must use the yellow power of fear to forge a Ring of Power. Hasn’t he read Lord of the Rings? Doesn’t he know this is a bad idea?
Back on Earth, a party happens celebrating a new contract for jets! And in not breaking the theme of blessing the already blessed, Hal’s failure is somehow turned into a success. Hal is back from his universal jaunt and is none worse for the wear. Hammond is also present and we find out that he grew up with Hal and Carol, and that he has lusted after Carol in the creepy, lack of self-esteem way that makes women swoon. Shunned by both Carol and his father, Hammond proceeds to get drunk. In the process, he attempts to kill his father by psychokinetically sabotaging the Senator’s helicopter during takeoff — not by thinking about making the engine stop, but by launching a small projectile from the open bar. But DON’T FEAR!! Green Lantern is there to catch the runaway copter in a giant green car and Hot Wheels track to race them to safety. A HOT WHEELS TRACK!
Distraught, Hammond goes home and begins physically changing into something from a Chris Cunningham video. His screams of fear distract Parallax billions of miles away from his ultimate errand of destroying Oa and the rest of the Universe.
Comedy break as Hal shows the suit to his buddy — and then romantic interlude while Hal and Carol talk on top of an air traffic control tower. It ends in tears when Hal said he quit the GL Corps, and Carol leaves…disappointed and expressing in words what the movie is about “You have been given so much, so often…..”
For some reason, Hammond is outside stalking…. then suddenly back in his lab looking at his Parallax juice. A stoic Angela Bassett as Senator Hammond’s crony, shows up and touches Hammond to get his attention from him obsessing over his cellular makeup, who sees all of her memories of growing up in the projects, and having her family murdered by gunshots in the most meaningless bit of visual exposition so far. They ambush the obviously troubled Hammond, and drug him. He wakes up cranky and goes on a telekinetic rampage. Mind you, he doesn’t just pull a Scanners an make peoples’ heads explode or their hearts stop or something. Instead, he trips them up with a wetvac. Blows Angela across the room. Controls robotic arms to throw people around. But, caving to the Green Lantern calling, Hal steps up and tries to prevent the Senator from being bruised by a plastic recycle bin, or slapped around by an extension cord. But ultimately, during the confrontation, the Senator is burned alive, Hammond reads Hal’s thoughts, accuses him of being just as afraid as he, and that Parallax is going to devour the Earth to give him strength to battle the Corps — all in all, a bad day for Hal.
Hal goes back to Carol and says he can’t do it…. because he’s scared — and a Green Lantern can’t be afraid. This is the third time that we’ve been verbally told that Hal Jordan is afraid inside. She gives him a pep talk and he says “OK, I’ll do it” and he flies off to Oa to ask the Guardians to loan him the Corps to save Earth. He gives them the “Earth people are worth saving” argument and throws in that he’s been afraid all his life. Fourth time literally “telling” the audience that Hal’s a chicken shit. In fact, in this speech, Hal uses “afraid” and “fear” so many times that I think they outnumber all the other words and is used as every function in a sentence — including a preposition. Anyway, he strongly suggests to the Guardians that they shouldn’t use the now complete Yellow Fear Ring (are this Power Rings actually Mood Rings?), and then asks for the help he needs to fight Parallax. They politely deny him, and so he asks if he alone can go back and fight….what? Yes. He asks for permission. Last time, when he quit the job in a teenage, emo tantrum, they just let him go back and think up stupid constructs to impress people. And now, for some reason he needs permission. I don’t know. Maybe he’s asking for their blessing.
So he goes back to the Ferris Jet hanger to fight Hammond, who is now in a power wheelchair? The guy can move things with his mind, and yet he’s in an cart like a shopper at WalMart. Hal appears, but Hammond has somehow acquired Carol Ferris and she’s floating in the middle of the hanger, suspended with a hypo full of Parallax juice hovering by her next. Once again, Hal tells Hammond that they are very much alike — and that he knows what its like to be afraid. So — this is getting to be nonsense. Every character in the movie does NOT need to know that Hal Jordan is afraid inside. The only people who need to know — are US…the audience. And once you tell one character in the movie. WE KNOW!!!
Hal pulls off the ring and gives it to Hammond in exchange for Carol. Hammond puts on the ring and feels the power and reneges on the deal and attacks Hal. But in a bit of the ole switcheroo, the ring backfires with Hal proclaiming that the ring chooses the user. I guess Hammond really DIDN’T know how to play chess.
Parallax takes this opportune time to make his appearance. Breaking through the walls of Ferris Hanger. Hammond’s fear is ingested as he screams like a little girl. But — uhoh! The ring is still on the now shriveled body of Hammond. I guess Parallax didn’t have the insight to maybe destroy the ring. Perhaps he can’t, since he has no hands. Hal runs for it, but is grabbed by Parallax who like every great James Bond villain has to wax poetic as he dispatches his prey. Fortunately, Carol is as brilliant as she is beautiful, and she programs of the drone jets in the hanger to fire missiles at Parallax, who writhes back in pain and anger. This guy has no problem with the best Green Lanterns in the universe — but a couple human missiles he just can’t deal with. The break is enough for Hal to grab the ring and they make their escape as Parallax continues to writhe in pain. Maybe these missiles are like getting an eyelash in your eye. Its so small — but it just drives you totally bananas.
Now the people of Coast City begin to notice this churning mass of black chunky clouds… with a FACE sticking out of it. Somehow they must of missed it coming down through the atmosphere on its way to meet up with Hal and Hammond. But NOW… now it looks like it could mean trouble. And it does. Parallax begins eating peoples’ fear left and right like a fat kid at a Chinese buffet.
And here is where the movie gets silly.
In a battle to the death filled with dialog about fear. Hal conjures up big springs to launch a gas truck, and a big anti-aircraft gun to shoot the truck and make it explode, a crowd riot shield to protect him from Parallax Fear spittle, an engine with a big propeller!!!! to pull him through Parallax’s mouth and out the other end!!!!! This guy can fly at hyperlight speed and create wormholes with this ring. But he needs a damn windup rubber-band propeller to carry him through Parallax’s gastrointestinal tract.
On their way out to space, Hal conjures a David and Goliath-type slingshot and hurls a satellite at the pursuing Parallax. I suppose the country who owned that satellite will bill Hal later — and he can conjure up a billion green dollars. They have a chase through an asteroid field, even though the asteroids in the belt between Mars and Jupiter are millions of miles apart from one another. And finally, Hal looks at the Sun, and utters the inane words “The Bigger You Are, The Faster You Burn” and then heads to the Sun to trap Parallax in its gravitational pull. Please make note that in the phrase above, there is nothing about gravity… perhaps it would have been better to repeat “Gravity is a Bitch”. Its just as stupid. But between two stupid phrases — at least use one that makes some kind of sense.
Well, Hal lures Parallax close to the sun, and then flies by Parallax. How does he overcome the Sun’s gravity from pulling he, Hal Jordan — Green Lantern, into the fiery star?? He conjures up a couple of jets and harnesses himself to them like a water skier. Hal evidently becomes a dolt under pressure. His constructs just get more and more absurd. The jets pull him just out of reach from Parallax’s yellow fear-breath, and then he finishes Parallax off with a big green fist to the face. BIG…GREEN…FIST….. yes — this is the climax of the film. This is the best he can do.
The Green Lantern Corp celebrates the victory. Hal tells Carol goodbye, and he must protect the universe with big fists and chainsaws.
Then — Epilogue. Sinestro puts on the Yellow Mood Ring… and… becomes yellow.
And…..Credits.
I’m not saying that Green Lantern is flawed. I don’t need to. The screenwriters have done that for us. Its primary flaw is making a statement to society that if you are handsome and talented — that you will still be blessed by the universe. And that if you are flawed and less than beautiful, you will end dead and shriveled on the floor of a jet hanger. They talk all day about overcoming your fears, but the audaciousness comes from overcoming fears that are nearly all based in Hal’s brain. He has no external source for his fear, whereas Hammond has grown up under the thumb of his successful father, and is a failure in his father’s eyes. That is legitimate angst. This whole theme is a typical problem with DC superheroes — Superman, Batman, Green Lantern…. they are nearly invincible, and don’t have flaws. Arguably, Batman has some issues — but… HE’S A HANDSOME BILLIONAIRE!! These characters are not like Spider-Man — a troubled teen bullied around by Flash and his posse. Or Wolverine… a short Canadian with an anger issues and an adamantium skeleton — I mean, he must weigh a TON. All the X-Men have issues with their powers and are constantly persecuted. But Superman? Man of Steel? What does he really have to worry about? Chunks of a long ago exploded planet millions of light years away?
I’m off track here.
The film is WAY over produced. The FX went EXTREMELY overbudget. They made the decision to make his suit all CG too late in the game, causing everyone to go into massive overtime to make the summer release on a film that didn’t deserve the time the artists put into it. The CG environments were unrealistic — and not because they weren’t technically well executed, but simply because it was too much for the audience to suspend disbelief. The characters are shallow and they don’t give enough for the actors to work with. Every bit of emotion is verbally expressed, and true emotion is limited to a furrowed brow. And what makes this even more sad is that the director, Martin Campbell, recreated James Bond from a flat, if entertaining superspy, to a flawed and expressive character in Casino Royale.
Warner Brothers? Please don’t waste your money and our time of making a sequel where Hal has a rematch against Sinestro…. I don’t want to see Hal conjure up a big tennis racquet to whack Sinestro, or maybe a huge green baseball mitt to lovingly catch Carol from a death by fall.

Stinging representation of the life of Carlos, an illegal immigrant from Mexico (that’s right, “illegal”…because he’s in the U.S….illegally) and his 15-year old son, Luis. He goes through life each day working in the yards of the well-to-do to provide for Luis, who has no appreciation for what his father does, and whose influences are MTV’s “Cribs” and the Mexican gangs around him.
When the father has a chance to try and make their lives better by buying the truck and client list from his employer, his plans are foiled when the truck is stolen by a worker Carlos, himself, hired.In more than a nod to The Bicycle Thief, Carlos and Luis go out to find the source of their potential prosperity.
A Better Life is directed by Chris Weitz, whose directing range is astonishing, going from the hopelessly shallow Twlight: New Moon through the broad and horrible The Golden Compass to the slapstick crudeness of American Pie (directed with his brother), the unfunny Down to Earth — and a spike of understated genius with About A Boy. I don’t think that with that repertoire he could have pulled off the incredibly moving, if predictable. A Better Life. And I say predictable, in that, the story itself isn’t particularly new. Its the performances that hold this piece together, especially from Carlos’ Demian Bichir.
Bichir brings to Carlos a quiet desperation of a man in a very desperate situation, but, as a role model to his son, he always chooses to do what is right. Well, almost always…and when he doesn’t make the right choice, it ends in very real, very dire consequences. His representation of someone who has to live in the shadows gives one a very cruicial insight in the human side of illegal immigration. And Jose Julian as Luis, provides a very clear distinction not only between the ubiquitous rift between the generations, but the added complexity of a teen age boy who, growing up in America, has no concept of the life his father had in Mexico, or, indeed, the life his father has now. His arc is clear, and despite all influences leading him to join a gang, his father’s soft spoken hand brings him back to plumb.
The film draws us in emotionally because of an empathy for our heroes, but it drives it up with the very real dangers of this world we are being brought into. In one part of the journey, a fellow worker helps them look for the truck, and brings them into a neighborhood run by the El Salvadorian gang, Mara Salvatrucha (MS-13). There is no exposition on this outside of Luis knowledge and hesitation to go — and graffiti on the wall saying “Too many Mexicans, not enough bullets”. The danger is imminent, and the danger is real. Nothing dire happens, but the tension is profound. Its a message that permeates the film, and is represented metaphorically in Carlos’ job cutting palm fronds off of a tree without any more safety than spiked shoes and a belt. You may not die today. You may not die at all. But, like working and living as an undocumented worker, the danger is there, but its something you must do to live.
If you have a choice of watching a film to get a glimpse of life as a Mexican living in Los Angeles – watch A Better Life and not From Prada to Nada.

I know I’m going to get skewered for this — but that hasn’t stopped me so far. So, here it goes: I REALLY wanted to hate this movie. Its pedigree was not promising. Director Tim Hill was responsible for Garfield 2: A Tale of Two Kitties and Alvin and the Chipmunks. That in itself deserves a kidney punch. The animation studio, Illumination Entertainment created Despicable Me, which was not a bad first attempt, but they weren’t running on the level of Pixar or Dreamworks (but, then again, who is?).
This film somehow barely avoids crossing the event horizon though, and doesn’t get spaghettified in the black hole of children movie failure. I think the combination of Russell Brand’s delivery, effectively attractive character designs, beautiful animation, and absolutely spot-on technical achievements in blending the CG into the real world, actually makes for a compelling film experience.
Sure, there are downsides. James Marsden feels like he’s been miscast as the young man who still lives with his parents and can’t find a job. Its like the casting director for 90210 was involved: “No one will ever notice that James is 38 and still living with his parents, who are only 13 and 16 years his senior” And the character never grows up beyond his Peter Pan-ish mentality — he just finds a career where he can remain that way.
There are prerequisite musical numbers with CG characters, which are always meaty tasks for animators, but they always make my hackles raise. Fortunately, Hop keeps them short, and one dancing character is, in fact, integral to the climax of the story.
Pop culture references are surprisingly and thankfully scarce, which will extended the shelf life of the movie.
Humor is much more self-effacing rather than pointed at other characters. Brand sticks with his child-like rockstar persona, but, like his humor in his stand-up material, his dialog seems immature but has this subtext of intelligence. Cameo by David Hasselhoff shows that he can make fun of himself. Hank Azaria brings his Birdcage accent back (inside joke wordplay?) as the inexplicably Mexican chick who runs the Easter Island candy factory and has aspirations of being the Easter Bunny himself in a very strange subplot.
Its not the best movie I’ve seen in 2011, but certainly not the worst. Its actually better than most other films of the same Children Live-Action/CG Hybrid sub-genre. And I felt a little tinge of nostalgia because of memories of Rankin-Bass holiday stop-motion animation from my childhood.